It’s been too long since I last wrote. It’s been good back at school, but a little weird. I’m still adjusting to having two different homes. I love it here, but I miss my home. When I’m home, I miss here.
Leading a life like this has some interesting effects. I’m separated from my home, family, and old friends. Suddenly, I’m in new environment, facing new challenges, and some old one. Living away from home for college makes it impossible to live the same superficial life. I can’t base me, my personality, off of my friends, family or home. I don’t have those here. No In-n-Out, no beaches, I can’t wear sandals or shorts year-round. I spend time with people who are very different and have different interests from my old friends. Relationships take on a new character. No relationship here can take the place of the ones I had back home, the ones that helped me define who I was. Suddenly, the that was my life is taken away. Now what? Do I develop a new shell?
I started to. Then I went home for Christmas. What happened there? The new, still fragile shell cracked. It didn’t hold up. I couldn’t figure it out. Who am I, exactly? It’s really not an easy question. But having two homes has helped me answer that question
Living in two homes, as I already said, makes it difficult to live in a shell. Each time I move from one home to the other, the shell cracks and is stripped away. What is revealed each time is the person I truly am. That is the great benefit of living away from home, of traveling and experiencing the world. I am able to define myself by what I am inside, but what I consistently do wherever I am, rather than by what I wear, who I spend time with, or where I hang out. Suddenly, the importance of truly knowing who you are is apparent. If I didn’t know who I was, what would I do? I would seek out things that don’t matter. I would search for what I had before and always be disappointed because I can’t find it. But now that won’t happen. Though the journey is nowhere near over, I have come to this realization. I have made the first step.
I know who I am. I am a child of God. I am a divine being, here on this earth, learning all I can so I can return back to my Heavenly Father and, if I live the way he has asked, inherit all he has. That truth provides me with a basis on which I can always act, no matter where I am. Wherever I am, I will seek out the way I can serve him best. Here, it is in class, learning of the universe he has created, and being a friend to those around me. This gives a purpose to my life; a purpose that is greater and deeper than getting the best grades or having the most fun possible or being popular or doing the best in video games. Though at times each of these concerns may cloud my mind and distract me, my understanding of who I am is at the root of my being, and it shines with a light that pierces through all the mists of darkness that stop me from finding my way.
If I were all alone, in a new, unfamiliar place, without a friend, without the ability to do well in school, without the wealth that allows me to sit in privacy and type this entry, I would still have this truth. I am still a child of God and he has a task for me, wherever I am, and I will fulfill it. This is there core around which I build my shell and no matter what happens to the shell, that core will remain and guide me through all my life.
3 comments:
First of all, that was a total "teeth-acher". But, despite that...ok, it's reeeally good. I've been thinking a bit about the topic "Home" as I'm currently writing an essay. Just some ideas...The thoughts, emotions and memories we have of past homes are carried in our hearts and each, in turn, has a hand in defining who we are. Good points and bad. Though we can't remember the pre-existence, the thoughts and feelings of our home before are present in our hearts. We are born with the light of Christ. I never thought of it in this way before, but perhaps Christ's light is a way of imprinting. As we pass through the veil, a bit of Heaven, or Home, is instilled within us. It is hoped that we will carry and perserve this light always. Christ's light, in turn, can't help but do it's part naturally, helping us define and better remember who it is we really are... hmmmm. I better go to bed before I start preaching false doctrine. Too late? :)
Now, my teeth really ache! ;)
That kinda worries me a little. Are you really that different when you are here? Are you yourself at all here? I sure hope so, cause then how would I know what my friend is really like? If I were to see you in your natural environment, would you be someone that I have never met before? Are you some alien that just changes all the time? Shell? AAAHH! Ok, I'm just kidding ;) I know you're you. I don't think you should worry about it. No matter what you act like, you still have friends that will love you no matter what, here and there. If you feel you should be a certain way, don't be afraid to change. It's YOU that you want your friends to know, not someone else, ok? It will all be ok! I promise!
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