To Be Alone

I guess it's been a while since I've written anything. I'd imagine not many people are checking this blog anymore. Oh well. This is for those of you who randomly happen by.

So, I'm back at college for the Spring after two awesome semesters. I can tell you, it's not the same at all. Really, it's pitiful here. It's actually kind of lonely. At the end of last semester, I was always with good friends. I never ate alone. I stayed up late talking to my roommate. We watched movies, went up the canyon, did all kinds fo things. And now I'm here and all my friends have gone home. But, I don't want to dwell on that. Life will improve. I'll make more friends.

It's interesting. Once again, the shell has been rebuilt and its ripped away, this time perhaps even more so. Yet, at the same time, this shell was closer to the real me. Though it's been painful, the pain isn't so much me having to rebuild who I am. This time its simply sorrow for what was. I miss my friends intensely. But I know who I am, to an extent.

It will be interesting to see where this term leads. Where am I going, exactly? Though I have a good idea of who I am, there are questions left, as always. Its difficult to place in words, and there's a great deal I can't say in this blog, but I am confused about certain things. Change will do that. In building that shell, you get used to one picture. You structure the world around you according to what you're used to. You organize things in your mind based on your daily experience. But then your daily experience changes. What is around you shifts. Perhaps the hardest thing is when only portions change, and not the entire thing.

I can easily remember when I first came up here. It wasn't too hard. I missed family and friends, but I was excited. And everything changed. I was in a completely new environment. There were challenges, but I was ready to meet them. I was prepared.

Things are different now. I'm not exactly sure what I expected, but I didn't expect it to be this hard. What makes it so hard is that just a portion of the picture has changed. I've moved to a different dorm, there's fewer peope on campus, but, most significantly, my closest friends, and most of the people I knew, have gone home. So much here reminds me of the great times we had, but I can't share those memories with them, but they're not here. Well, I guess I can eventually, but not in the moment.

Well, time will ease the pain. I'll get used to my new situation. I can keep in touch with my friends and I'll make new friends. And eventually I'll leave campus. I'll always miss my friends, but it will be easier when I'm not reminded daily of them and the things we did together.

TImes will be good again. Really, life is good. My friends may not be close, but I can still talk to them. They're still here. And I can always look to the future. They'll be there, in the future, always. And if anything should happen to prevent me from seeing that future with them, I pray that God will watch over us and know that we will see each other again, whether on this side of the veil or on the other.

So, here's to the future, which fills the present with light and hope.